I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
