Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
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In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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