He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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