If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize