i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
