those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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