It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Randomize
