apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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