So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
my shit smells like andre
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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