Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
