He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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