I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
