dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
