i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
