I got chris browned last night
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
