Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
