Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
