you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
