Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
