he thought i was a dude.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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