i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
