i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
