New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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