I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
