she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
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