It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
