I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
