but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
