Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
