You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
oh god the rape fog is back!
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
