I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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