Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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