My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
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