either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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