When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
