No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i will never coherently bang her
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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