He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
