There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
