i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
