And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
