he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
