Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
