Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
