It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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