kristin has been a bad kristin
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
