I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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