Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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