she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
