Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
