the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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