God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
