how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
she peed on how many people?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
