grandma shit on top of the toilet
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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