whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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