i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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