I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
cat food counts as protein by the way
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
