I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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