Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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