Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
