so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
