Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
