Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
