wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
