He passed out mid-signature
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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