I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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