Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
