This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
