Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
