i would punch a child for taco bell
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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