I am spending my child support on dildos
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
