I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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