dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Two words: blizzard sex
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
