you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize