Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
