he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
