Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
