I'm lost and stupid without you.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
